Watching Myself Being Myself

Like most people, I like to think that I’m pretty patient and aware of the importance of living in harmony by being present in any particular moment.   However, there can be times when I haven’t been either.   It’s like being unconscious for brief moment and then somehow realizing I was totally elsewhere in my mind or out of my mind.  Maybe, I was anxiously anticipating my next meeting or phone call. It’s like I left my body and went someplace else for who knows how long. Not unlike spontaneous time travel but without a fantastic tale to tell afterwards I imagine.

For example, while waiting in the cashier line at the grocery store, I was silently congratulating myself for getting everything on my shopping list and thinking of my next errand.  It wasn’t till I was walking, with my bags in hand, for the exit that I realized what I had just seen, or in this case “not seen”. 

Behind me in line was a young mother with a couple small children.   She obviously had her hands full as she tried to manage her two children while placing her groceries on the checkout counter. She definitely could have used some help I thought.

And yet, I didn’t even think of offering to help her until I was halfway out the door.  But by then it was too late.  My opportunity to lend assistance had vanished like child’s helium balloon quickly escaping into the clouds.

As I reflected on what just took place, but more importantly what didn’t’ take place, I felt a disconnect of sorts.  Thinking of what I aspire to and value, I quietly thought to myself, how could I have missed a chance to take action and be of service to others?  How did I let my mind take over and push my heart aside? My heart felt a sense of loss for it was a lost opportunity to connect with another human.

While you may think my example is no big deal, I felt a sense of dissonance.  We all have our self-image of ourselves.  And we might think we know how others see us; yet they can hold a totally different view of who we are.    What really matters is being true to ourselves and living our lives as we know to be our truth and in accordance to our values and life purpose.

While reflecting further, I was able replay the whole experience over in my mind’s eye as if watching a movie of myself in the checkout line.  Doing so allowed me to “watch myself be myself” and see how I was not in the moment but preoccupied with finishing my shopping and leaving the store.  I was able to honestly acknowledge that my situational awareness was pretty much non-existent.

Without beating myself up, this simple mind exercise allowed me to mentally visualize specific points where I could have done a better job of being in service to another while still completing my grocery shopping task. 

Like being my own movie Director, I was able to visualize a different, yet, a more harmonious outcome for all. In my mind, I could imagine a new scene, less stressful and more mindful, filled with gratefulness, caring, happiness, perhaps a cheerful conversation, and with smiles all around!

And while I did this after the fact, I was able to use the practice of “Watching Myself Being Myself” to increase my “Self-Awareness Muscle” and stay in harmony with my highest and best self.  It’s a great reminder to do better next time. 

Best of all it’s an easy reminder to exercise my “Heart Muscle” and not let my overactive mind take over the show. Using the Heart as your GPS will definitely get you to where you want to go in life!